tehhumi

Elven pregnancy takes a year. What takes a century is reshaping a body to have a womb, pregnancy, and then changing your body back.

Brought to you by someone whose favorite part of the old no-explanation-mpreg fics was that either character could have borne the child. End biological determinism of childcare from the first moment; have a discussion between partners about whose life works best with pregnancy and who is willing to undergo the bodily changes.

Also, your body is not as strong when you're devoting energy to reshaping major organs, or as good at recovering from injuries, so that's why elves don't have children in war time.

It’s the last night of Maglor’s visit to Himring. In the morning he’ll ride out again to the Gap; he’s already been away from his duties for nearly a month.

He treasures every glimpse of happiness on Maedhros’s face. The Lord of Himring generally maintains a severe composure, but occasionally there will be a glint in his eye that betrays his feelings. He doesn’t join in the banter with Maglor as when they were youths, and sometimes looks like he’s wondering if he should throw Maglor out the door on his ear, but it’s something.

And Maglor never forgets that these moments of intimacy are far more than he deserves. Maedhros has to let Maglor visit occasionally - the Gap needs supplies and Maedhros would never abandon one of his brothers - but conversing with Maglor as anything closer than a lieutenant is a gift Maglor makes sure to always appreciate.

Fingon is due to visit from Hithlum this week, and Maglor will be gone before his cousin steps foot in Himring. He is no longer his eldest brother’s chief confidante, and will not make Maedhros suffer his company when Maedhros has an alternative other than solitude. They aren’t as close as they once were, and Maglor refuses to resent that.

It’s not that Maglor hates Fingon. How could he, when Fingon is so much better for Maedhros than he is? Maglor fought at Alqualonde because his father had ordered it and to save his own skin; Fingon fought to save Maedhros. If Maglor had been in Araman rather than Losgar when the ships burned, he would have turned back, not gone on to help someone who had turned their back on him.

And of course there’s Thangoordirm. Fingon walked in and rescued Maedhros. Maglor took Maedhros’s throne and forbid anyone from assaulting Angband (they’d already lost two kings and their guards trying; it seemed hopeless.)

The bottom line is, Maglor knows exactly why Maedhros prefers to spend time with Fingon rather than with him. But as long as Fingon isn’t here, Maglor will spend every moment he can get with Maedhros.

Current Music: Save Tonight by Eagle-Eye Cherry

borrowed from [Bad username or unknown identity:  ]
1. Are you an essential worker? Technically? Warehouse workers are essential, I'm a a warehouse worker. But I have asthma so I told my boss I was taking a 4-week Leave of Absence, of which I'm now at the end of week 3.

2. How many drinks have you had since the quarantine started? One glass of wine. It's just not really my thing, I tend to go for chocolate instead.

3. If you have kids... Are they driving you nuts? I do not reside with any children!

4. What new hobby have you taken up during this? Actually posting on my kink-fic-blog, I guess? The answer was going to be woodburning but it's been too cold to do crafts outside.

5. How many grocery runs have you done? I live with my parents (in their late 50's), and they've been doing the once a week grocery run because of my asthma. In normal times I shop once a week and my dad runs out for random items every two days, but my mom and I have mostly talked him out of it.

6. What are you spending your stimulus check on? A bunch of little things, since taking a leave of absence means I don't get unemployment payments. Renewing my passport. Buying a hair clipper so I can myself a side shave like I've always wanted.

7. Do you have any special occasions that you will miss during this quarantine? My cousin is going to graduate from college and start med school in three weeks, and we were all going to meet him down in Missouri for it. Also I wanted to go to the zoo for my birthday earlier this month, do an experience rather than presents.

8. Are you keeping your housework done? My dad is and I am helping when asked. He's going stir crazy as his work has been out for about 5 weeks - he's still technically working but major manufacturers are not buying industrial equipment right now, and he cant go in to demonstrate stuff even if they were.

9a. What movie have you watched during this quarantine? None, require too much emotional energy or attention span or something like that..

9b. What are you reading right now? I got Captive Prince out from the library right before this started, but I am just stalled on everything right now.

9c. What video game are you playing? None, not my thing.

10. What are you streaming with? Spotify (free version) for slowly catching up on The Magnus Archives, and I have Netflix available

11. Nine months from now is there any chance of you having a baby? Not unless I imitate Maglor and kidnap one.

12. What's your go-to quarantine meal? My standard oatmeal with raisins an peanut butter for breakfast. Mac&cheese with frozen vegetables thrown in for something in the fridge that's just MINE. We're still cooking normal dinners every night, so usually leftovers for lunch

13. Is this whole situation making you paranoid? Somewhat. Reminding me I never got screened for depression, but I sure do have executive dysfunction when there are no real deadlines. My emotional state is more "despair of ever being able to go anywhere" than "terror of me or my loved ones personally dying or losing all our income even if we stay inside out nice little bubbles."

14. Has your internet gone out on you during this time? No.

15. What month do you predict this all ends? What do you mean by this? I expect myself to be back to work in May. I expect restaurants to be open for sit down in my state by early June. I expect concerts and festivals to happen again in mid July or late August.

16. First thing you're gonna do when you get off quarantine? First day: wander around Target and smell all the scented candles. First week: go to a zoo that's far enough away I stop in a random cafe on the way and buy a cupcake and eat it there.

17. Where do you wish you were right now? At the public library in my town

18. What free-from-quarantine activity are you missing the most? Honestly kind of going to work? It's where I got most of my social interaction in, but I'm not going back until I know it's safe and I can't know it's safe without going to see. And I only go to the movies every month or two, but not having the option is really annoying.

19. Have you run out of toilet paper and hand sanitizer? Nope! My mom bought a big pack of toilet paper a week and a half before the first case was fond in our state, so we've been able to use that as a buffer. And we had a bunch of those giant soap refill bottles laying around, saving the hand sanitizer for when we're out and about (rare).

20. Do you have enough food to last a month? We've been going by the CDC's guideline for 2 weeks (if one of us gets sick), so we have that much fresh veggies and interesting meat. For 3 or 4 weeks, we'd be eating a lot of bacon and tuna over polenta or rice, but it would probably work. And my brother works for Instacart and does not live with us, so he would be willing to no-contact drop off groceries on our porch if we paid him. even if all the slots are full.

Current Mood: melancholy

The rest of the state has been in lockdown for longer, but it's been a week since I went on a leave of absence. I told work not to expect me back before May 4, filed for unemployment, all that jazz.

I'm settling into a routine at least a bit. I've got an alarm set for 8 am, and am doing something productive by 10. My dad is helping at a soup kitchen two nights a week, and my mom is working from home. We're still cooking dinner every night and eating it together, and a lot of days we've ended up eating lunch together as well since there's only one kitchen and one dining room. We're kind of low on topics to talk about other than Covid, but at least we get along well enough and have face to face human contact.

I keep thinking this is the perfect time to read that new book, but I'm finding most of the books I have on hand hard to get into. Some of it is because these are the books that didn't grab my attention so strongly I read them all in one stretch, but also I think it's just hard to care about new fictional worlds when I'm feeling overwhelmed by the real world to this extent. I'm still enjoying reading and writing fanfiction though, and listening to the Magnus Archives, so at least it's not a generalized apathy about stories. {Note to future tehhumi: If you start having a general apathy about stories, even sharing ridiculous ideas in discord, consider if you have depression.}

We had one truly gorgeous day last week, but that rest of the weather has highs in the 40's or low 50's (Farenheit, around 10 Celsius). Still means I can go outside with a jacket and gloves but no scarf or hat, so I'll take it.

My latest fic on Ao3.

Celebrimbor, Idril, and Elrond chat in Valinor over tea.

1800 words, rated G, no warnings apply. Just some cousins catching up / getting to know each other in the fourth age.Basically fluff, though it ends on a kind of down note.

Life Update: I told my bosses to take me off the schedule, and tomorrow (Monday) they are going to place me on furlough. This is freaky, but I have asthma and don't feel comfortable continuing to go to work as my state climbs to 4th (or is Michigan 3rd by now?) in infection rates.
On the plus side, I live with two other people who I enjoy talking to, and who both understand how serious this is.

Quarantine Productivity Goals

Write 300 words OR transcribe two pages of handwritten fic into the computer OR post one fic per day
Apply to 2 jobs per week (I know no one's hiring, but it will get me in practice redoing my resume)
Consume one unit of Professionally Produced Content (chapter of a book, episode of TV show, episode of podcast, half a movie, etc.) that I've been meaning to get to per day
Go outside (at appropriate distances) at least once a day, even it's raining. Ten minutes in the backyard will still majorly lift my mood.
Consider scheduling a regular Screaming My Feelings At The Air time (I write far slower than I think, and don't care if there's a record, but putting thoughts into sentences is helpful). Feels like twice a week should do.
Clean off my desk of random papers. Work on tidying my room, at least twice a week, at least an hour at a time.
Don't even consider returning to work until after April 19. Don't feel guilty if I stay away until May. If they wanted loyalty they should pay more than $13.50/hr pre-tax, and people can live without their fancy mail order pastries.
Find one thing that gives me joy every day.

I work for a company that ships gourmet food in the USA. I expect the next few weeks to be busier than normal at work, with everyone avoiding going out to the store and ordering online instead.
This means I will be online the same negligible amount as normal or even less, but I am 100% okay!

Headcanon: Dwarves have no social genders (roles that you are expected to live according to, rarely if ever change, and clearly signal to others in the community) and 7 grammatical genders (sets of pronouns, common adjectives, and ways to conjugate verbs).

child dwarf
adult dwarf
member of other tool-making species (elves, men, orcs, crows, etc.)
growing thing (grass, trees, cows, potato plants, fish, cats, etc.)
raw material (marble, wood, iron, wool, harvested apples, gems straight out of the earth, most emotions, etc.)
crafted thing (clothes, tools, swords, casseroles, jewelry, pots, stained glass windows, philosophies, etc.)
place (the mountains, towns, a specific city, the ocean, etc.)

Another reason dwarves don’t often teach Khuzdul is that new speakers tend to use only a few grammatical genders, and put things in the wrong one even between those.

fail_fandomanon had "Your OTP as an r/relationships post" a couple posts ago, and I wrote this. A week later, I have finally remembered to post it here!

Title: My[22M] boyfriend[24M] is weirdly devoted to his recently-deceased dad

I know everyone's going to think I'm a jerk, but hear me out please. I really need some outside perspective on the situation.
My boyfriend's dad really cared about his kids, and they all loved him too. The problem was that he was super hotheaded and always dragged them into things. Some examples:
- The time he threatened to kill my dad, and then the entire family including my boyfriend left town and stopped talking to anyone here. (Yes, we were dating at the time.)
- The time I waded into what I thought was my boyfriend getting beat up by a gang. Turns out his dad had tried to steal the leader's sweet ride, and got caught. My boyfriend and his brothers jumped in to help, and would have lost if me and my friends hadn't seen it. The police got involved, and now we all have a rap sheet because my boyfriend's dad has no impulse control.
- My family and my boyfriend's family were both going to move across the country, and coordinate the driving convoy-style so we would have familiar faces the whole way. His dad left early, and took the (agreed to be shared) moving van before we could load our furniture (all the hotel reservations were in my boyfriend's dad's name as well, so my family was out a significant chunk of change). My boyfriend apparently argued with his dad about this, but didn't stop him or call me at any point.
Shortly after moving, my boyfriend's dad died suddenly. My boyfriend tried to get 'revenge' for him, and I had to bail him out.
I've been trying to be sympathetic with my boyfriend. I've luckily never had a parent die, so I know I don't know what he's going through. His parents are divorced, so my boyfriend feels like he has to take care of his family now (he's the oldest).
But he keeps talking about his father's legacy. He's focused particularly on some knickknacks his dad made, and says it's not right for them to be in the hands of someone outside the family. The knickknacks were stolen, and there's a police report, but my boyfriend wants to steal them back himself. He always brings every conversation back to them! I tried asking him if we could talk about something else, and he said that he'd "already let Dad down enough." (His dad never liked me. It was mutual.)
I can't bring this up with anyone who knows me IRL, because they either don't know we're dating or would tell me to dump him. But my boyfriend is a really sweet guy, and I feel like being in a new place could be really good for us. Is this just normal grieving? At what point do I sit my boyfriend down and say that we need to talk about 'us', not just his dad?

[A song of Maedhros after the Nirnaeth Arnoediad, based on 'No Good Deed' from Wicked]

Findekano!
Utúlie'n aurë! Auta i lómë! Lómë auta Eldalië
Utúlie'n aurë! Auta i lómë! Lómë auta Eldalië

Let my force be in time,
Let him last one more night,
Though they’re weakened, let him stay upright!
Let his soldiers stand strong,
And however orcs try
To defeat him
Let him never die
Let him never die!

Utúlie'n aurë! Auta i lómë! Lómë auta Eldalië
Utúlie'n aurë! Auta i lómë! Lómë auta… auta…

What good is this fighting?
I don’t even know where I’m going,
Don’t even know what trick I ought to try,
Oh Fingon where are you? Already dead or bleeding?
One more disaster I can add to my generous supply!

No good deed goes unpunished,
All helpful urges should be circumvented,
Sure I meant well,
Well look at what well-meant did.
No good deed goes unpunished,
That’s my new creed!

Amrod…
Uncle Fingolfin…
Findekano…
Finde-KANO!

One question haunts and hurts,
Too much, too much to mention,
Was I really seeking good,
Or just some cheap ‘redemption’?
Is that all my deeds are when looked at from an eagle’s eyes?
If that’s all my deeds are, maybe that’s the reason why

No good deed goes unpunished,
All helpful urges should be circumvented,
Sure I meant well,
Well look at what well-meant did.
No good deed goes unpunished,
That’s my new creed!

Alright enough, so be it,
So be it then,
Let Arda be agreed,
I’m wicked through and through.
Since I can not succeed, dear Fingon, saving you,
I promise no good deed shall I attempt to do again, ever again!

Begun well, yet evil to end!

Current Music: 'No Good Deed' - Wicked

on Ao3: All the things I didn't do for you
Fandom: the Silmarillion (JRR Tolkien)
Pairing: Celebrimbor/Curufin
Warnings: No major archive warnings apply, father/son incest, emotional manipulation
Rating: Teen
Word count: 1645
Summary: Curufin is returned to life in Valinor, and meets with his son again. Not that Celebrimbor sees himself as such - he'd much prefer a different role in Curufin's new life...

( Read it on dreamwidth )

Current Music: "Hate Me" - Blue October

I think that Maedhros and Finarfin were really close friends when they were kids.
Feanor never particularly loved his step mother and half siblings, but he didn’t really dislike them either until Fingolfin grew old enough to be a political rival. He mostly viewed them as “people who are also frequently at many of the same places I am”, like workers in a different department of the same business in a small town. You nod and acknowledge them, but don’t think about them the moment they leave sight.
Finarfin is 61 years younger than Feanor, and we know that Feanor married young. Given how many kids he and Nerdanel ended up with, I assume they started soon.
So when Finarfin was born, Feanor thought “Huh, this acquaintance (Indis) has a kid only a year younger than mine. If we take turns watching the babies, I can get a lot more work done.” Indis figured this was a good way to get Feanor to spend time at least near his siblings, and hopefully work up to “interacting with them on their own merits.”
By the time Fingolfin was an adult, Maedhros and Finarfin were already close friends. And it’s not like the tension appeared overnight, so there was a while where Finarfin and Maedhros just kind of ignored that their parents knew each other at all.

( Fic of them hanging out as teenagers )

on Ao3: Only Gold is Hot Enough
Fandom: the Silmarillion (JRR Tolkien)
Pairing: Amras/Amrod/Maedhros
Warnings: No major archive warnings apply, sibling incest, twincest
Rating: Mature
Word count: 1372
Summary: The three of them knew that if word ever got out of their relationship, people would get it wrong. They would assume that the fierce Lord of Himring had commanded Amrod and Amras to his bed. If people knew that the three of them had been together since Valinor, they would say the far older Maedhros had manipulated his youngest brothers, gentling them to his touch as their bodies just started to awaken to lust.
Such speculation could not be further from the truth.

on Ao3: Anger Enough or Despair
Fandom: the Silmarillion (JRR Tolkien)
Pairing: Curufin /Maedhros
Warnings: Rape, Bad guys made them do it, suicide reference, sibling incest
Rating: Explicit
Word count: 3393
Summary: At the Dagor Bragollach, the pass of Aglon was overrun by Morgoth's forces, but many of its people escaped, and the orcs were eventually driven back by Maedhros.
This is a story if the Feanorians' luck had been a little worse.

Or, the second time Maedhros is captive in Angband is not any more pleasant than the first.

( You're about to view content that the journal owner has advised should be viewed with discretion. )

Reveals are currently on going on for Iddy Iddy Bang Bang, where a bunch of people got together and egged on each other's most self-indulgent ideas! I wrote two fics, as far as i know the only Tolkien-based works in this bang.

The Role You Made Me Play is a sequel to Baby You Belong With Me, the Maedhros/Maglor and Maedhros/Fingon darkfic I wrote back in march for B2mem. Now with more angsting by Maglor, and more sacrificing himself to protect others from evil!Maedhros.

Something Tragic but Almost Pure is a what-if story, specific what-if Feanor had taken the throne by force in Tirion. Fingon can never resist the chance for a dramatic rescue, and in this case Maedhros is available to bail him out- at least as far his bedroom. Trying to convince your dad that you're not in love with this guy, but really would be bothered if your dad kills him, is a delicate balancing act.

A dark haired man sat alone at his campfire.

“Who goes there?” He cried, drawing his sword, “Show yourself! I warn you, I learned to fight from the Marchwardens of Doriath!”

An elf with eyes that were nearly aflame emerged scarcely ten feet from the clearing’s edge. “You have good hearing for a Man.”

“And you are skilled in woodcraft for a Noldo.”

( Celegorm/Turin )

Tulkas is the Vala of war. He came to Arda because he heard that Melkor was battling the others, and he wished to fight one equal to his strength. He is the god of just war, of glorious battle, of protecting the innocent, of vanquishing the evil. Tulkas rides out to battle with a banner streaming behind him to meet his foe face-to-face in fair combat. His philosophy is simple: Protect the good and destroy the wicked. Glorfindel is named after Tulkas, and he is a good example of a devotee of Tulkas.

Orome is the Vala of hunting. He has been in Arda from the beginning, as soon as there was life. He is the god of wolves in the shadows beyond the firelight, of the hunter who kills the wolf and brings back its pelt, of snares and traps, of patiently waiting for hours for a boar to come in view, of running after a herd of deer and killing the slowest. Orome rides out as well, but he kills fell beasts by leading them into traps as often as by spearing them, and will come up on them unawares whenever he can. His philosophy is simple: The weak must die for the strong, and the herd lives on.

Celegorm is a devotee of Orome.

Argon woke up to warmth and fog. He was dead and in Mandos. Those were facts that were as certain as his Manwe was the lord of the Valar and the Vanyar lived in Valmar; he could not recall learning them because they were so obvious.

Argon looked around, for lack of better terminology. The mist seemed to organize as he searched, into a hallway that he was standing in an alcove of. There was another person nearby. They were familiar, though he couldn’t make out any features at all.

-Hello?- He greeted, though speaking made no sound here, merely left him certain the word had been said a moment ago.

The figure turned their attention towards him and was instantly in focus. -Hello Argon. I’d say it’s good to see you, but I’d hoped it would be longer before any more family members showed up.-

-Amrod? What are you doing here?-

( Read more... )

Current Music: The Devil in My Bloodstream by the Wonder Years

Guess what! It's feeling sad about Elrond time!
Specifically, Earendil's star is also called Gil-Estel, 'star of hope'
Because it was a sign that the Valar were actually paying attention to Middle Earth, and that you could leave Middle Earth, and it heralded their army coming, and he slew Ancalagon
But that's not how Elrond sees it
When the star first rose, he knew that his mother was very far away and wasn't coming back anytime soon
And then he learned that it was both his parents and they were never coming back
And if course the Silmaril is the thing that Maedhros and Maglor destroyed his town for, and later abandoned him for
So Elrond's association with Gil-Estel is 'a sign the people I love are gone forever'
People probably tell Elrond how nice it is that his father brings hope to so many people
He isn't going to ruin a good thing for everyone else, and gives a polite thank you.

Earendil knows he's a sign of hope and tries to shine brighter and longer when his kids are going through tough times

When Elros dies, Earendil shines brighter than the moon from the first moment the sky tints pink to the last blush of dawn leaving.
He wants to show that he cares, that he is paying attention, to remind Elrond that he's not alone
Elrond really wants to go hide in a cave.

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tehhumi

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Recent Entries

Elven pregnancy

Fight the break of dawn

Check in meme

1 week into lockdown

We are not shining stars

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Dwarves and Gender

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To Evil End

All the things I didn't do for you Celebrimbor/Curufin

Maedhros and Finarfin were friends

Only Gold is Hot Enough: Amras/Amrod/Maedhros

Anger enough or despair

When you see my face you'll know

Iddy Iddy Bang Bang fics revealed!

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